I think perhaps this post is a little more for me and a little less for you. Call me selfish. Today was a day of reflection. Got a new job and I sit in a cubicle and have too much time to think. This is what results I suppose. My friends are bounding through milestones that force me to accept I'm almost twenty-three and on the brink of full responsibility. I suppose my "big girl" job places me as the frontrunner of those friends... but I feel like I'm eight. I'd like to work three days a week and spend the rest building cities in my mind. My priorities stray from the norm so my room looks like a broken down laundromat but my dreams stack up like the dirt on a mountain. For example... today I thought I might like to start a prayer/worship night that quickly grew into a weekly group helping heroine addicts and teenage moms. I was in a band briefly touring Japan until I decided to write books and social commentaries to change the world. When I had finished my research on Alzheimer's and Tourette's I painted for a time, posed briefly as a model, had some children naturally and adopted, and brought medicine to third world countries. I produced, directed, filmed, and edited music videos on the side while making jewelry for a little extra cash.
Meanwhile, back in the physical world, I was sitting at a computer in an office waiting for more life to happen. That's the trick though... more life did happen... and it continued to happen in that cubicle. I don't particularly like living life in a cubicle. And I'm sure most of the world doesn't either. And I don't know if you would believe me but I have done or have the opportunity to do every one of those things I listed. But I'm gonna stay in my cubicle. This may perhaps sound absurd but I believe God's got me in this cubicle for a reason. I am eager... but I'm learning how to wait... and live. And I want to do it well. So I will sit in that cubicle and I will make relationships and I will do paperwork and I will do it well and faithfully. Maybe some day I will see the world and maybe some day I will not. But I'm not going to waste my life in the cubicle because it's the only life I've got and the only life I'm given. So I'm gonna take it and thank Him and live the crap out of that life... and maybe just maybe I'll get to really live along the way. A deep life full of joy that the people looking for more money or things don't really know. Thanks God for that... That I'm starting to see this at age 22 and not on my deathbed.
This picture is a picture of me living next to a big oak tree. You can't see it but there's a smile on my face.
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