Pumpkin Patch

I went to the pumpkin patch a few days ago with a friend in what I think was a small attempt to hold on to my childhood and celebrate Halloween in the tiniest of ways. It's strange being at home for halloween for once. It's a much different atmosphere than the one I've grown used to at college.

My friend and I went to a small farm that is open year round. You can go there and pay to pick whatever is in season. For halloween they go big and have a harvest festival with several different activities, like pig races and hay rides. I used to go there when I was little when it was still a little quaint farm without all the "pay two tickets" activities and shows. I used to run down the rows of strawberries and remember the wonderful taste as they warmed in the sun.

Although I am not a fan of fall overall, I do enjoy all the colors. So I pass these pictures along to you as a celebration of the beautiful things that come about this time of year. I cannot help but believe that a beautiful and creative mind was behind the making of it all.

The roof of a pumpkin house.

As if sunflowers weren't beautiful enough...

I've never seen four colors of cauliflower before.

Mums.

They had a plethora of animals there as well and i'm thinking about dedicating a post to them as well. And now I'm going to go enjoy (probably the only other reason I like fall)... a large mug of hot chocolate.

A Quick Reflection

I originally began this post with a negative... I have gone back and restarted.

What I do want...

- a life with meaning to more people than just myself

- therefore sometimes people won't understand the decisions i make

- to be defined by where my heart and head is at

What I do not want..

- a job just for money

- to be judged if I have not lived out "the American dream"

- to fit in a niche where my identity becomes my position at work

I am frustrated right now by so many expectations and pressures that rest on me at this point in my life... However I am excited to do something with my life that I know will make some people uncomfortable. It's almost like I have a goal of making my life into something that's so different than the norm that it makes people uncomfortable. Obviously that is not my ultimate goal but I feel it would be a nice indication that I was doing something right. I'm in a mood where I would just like to be alone for a little bit. I am grateful because I am going to say good morning to the ocean tomorrow. We shall have a long chat before I turn around to say good afternoon to the rush of people and places and schedules and demands I call the norm. But in the mean time... I look forward to the ocean.

Projects

I have been living in a whirlwind as of late. It has tousled my hair and invited me to play in some of life's more serious quests. So in the mean time I have come up with little projects to help distract myself from the chaos in the other room.

I am in the midst of forming a band. I am learning the mandolin for said band and think it sings so beautifully. I have always loved singing and so I'm trying to teach my fingers how to keep up with my voice so I have a matching instrument partner. I have wanted to be in a band and travel around since I knew what both of those were. We've got five songs together and I'm praying it all falls into place nicely.

I have also devoted myself to two new crafts. The first... knitting... which is honestly something to do while watching tv. And the second... wire jewelry making. I am thinking of selling them online somewhere for a few extra bucks that will most likely go towards four new beautiful tires for my little honda.

These are little (unfinished) treble clef earrings that I did freehand (without a jig). They were my third little project I attempted.

This is a sword pendant I made for a friend's birthday. I've been planning/working on it for two months and did it completely freehand as well. This was my second project. The first was a little ring for my thumb. I may look into doing little three dimensional figures at some point. It's amazing the things you can come up with when try out new things.

A Pause

I've gone almost 2 weeks with the perfect intentions of updating this... but intentions don't get things done. In the mean time I've been taking pictures and interviewing for jobs. I have to make a life decision today and it is frightening me... threatening to rip away my freedom. I don't want to work so I can live... just to work more. I want to work to change something.

In other news I believe I am getting a more focused vision for what I'd like this to be. This little box that random people can see if they please. I want to capture beauty. And I want to pool it into this little journal of sorts. Be it photos, thoughts, or memories. So I give to you a snippet of a photoshoot I did last week. One of my dearest friends in the world was kind enough to let me take these.

I love smiles

Feels Like Fall

It is beginning to feel like Fall. There's a crispness in the air and the sun hangs lower in the sky at noon. I don't particularly like Fall but it does encourage the drinking of more hot chocolate.

On another completely different note in my head...

I want to know what it means when someone says to you that you deserve better or someone who's worthy of who you are in reference to your dating experiences. I'm no better than the next person and certainly don't believe there is some elevated standard that must be met in order to be with me. Should not the basis for being with someone be based on pure and unconditional love and not a person's past? The minute you start to count a person's mistakes, the minute you lose the ability to love. Not to say there are not extreme cases of love being betrayed... but I'm speaking of the essence of a person. What makes them. I'm not inclined to dismiss a man because he does not raise his hands in worship. Who am I to say that is the true way... the "good" way of doing things. For while I may be raising my hands in worship out of fear that a lack of enthusiasm may be noticed by the others in the room if I had not done so... the man next to me sitting awkwardly in his seat silently may be praying that God meets him there... in a way this woman with her self conscience hands may never know.

"Be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love."

-Ephesians 4:2

"Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins."

- 1 Peter 4:8

"We know what real love is because Christ gave up his life for us."

- 1 John 3:16

I could go on and on. If Jesus loves me... a broken, wretched, failure of a woman... then who am I to say I deserve someone better to love?