The Art of Waiting

Music: Laura Marling- Sophia

I have been extremely productive today when viewed through the scope of this past week. I work in the wee hours of the morning and got out at 8:30 today. I watched a movie with a friend, went to the store, and decided to cook dinner from scratch. I can't cook but I figure I might want to learn in case I get married some day. I'm trying my hand at it for that reason alone. Sad?... perhaps.

I'm watching friends leave town and it's unsettling. I feel like we're all little fish that were gathered in giant hands and have just been released into a giant ocean and we're free to squirm our way to anywhere we choose. I'm not afraid of this ocean but rather don't quite know where I'd like to start off yet. I'm beginning to learn that a degree from college means nothing if you don't have a passion for it. My passion's burnt out. I keep going because I know I'm supposed to and know there's something better to live for than a job. I don't want to get caught up in the normal scheme of things where you find yourself working to live. I want to live a dangerous life. One marked by decisions I loved taking because I was made for them. Not decisions made out of a constructed idea that I somehow needed to move to continue living.

God is telling me to be still. I feel like I'm on the edge of the summit. I know I'm about to race down it but I need to learn something before I do... and I'm so busy staring at the beauty of the valley below that I am not listening for what needs to be learned. People that know me would probably say that I am fairly patient. I feel like the only reason this is true is because I've learned from a God that has to constantly be patient with a freak like me.

"But the Lord still waits for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion. For the Lord is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for him to help them." -Isaiah 30:18

I know that the world and even many Christians (including myself) don't understand this. Waiting is costly and it hurts. But take love for a second... if love were not costly and took no effort at all, then why do we as humans find it so important to be loved? There is value desired in the substance of love because it is not cheap. I feel I am in a time of waiting because it is exercising my trust of God, while simultaneously bringing me closer to him... in a way similar with a relationship with a guy or girl. Sometimes waiting is necessary. Actually a lot of times waiting is necessary... and I think, often waiting reveals love in places and capacities we never knew we had.

So here's to patience and waiting and all the wonderful lessons it includes that I cannot even begin to comment on in this little white box. I leave you with a few pictures of myself that my friend Amanda (see previous post) so graciously took of me. It was an afternoon in this process of waiting that, although seemingly small, has carried me through a small part of a very hard season. For that I will give Amanda's photography skills due celebration on this page haha.